Undone

I stew and I pace
and my heart starts to race
when I think of all that is undone

I weep and I scream
but only in my dreams
so outside I'll appear to be calm

my habits are crutches
I walk on but such is my life
and it helps me get by

I'm bored with the patterns
so worn out and tattered
that constitute being alive

facing my fears
is how I pass the years
diminishing each one in turn

when life goes from quiet to
full-blooded riot
we'll all have our bridges to burn
we'll all have our bridges to burn

come dance with me hither
and we'll see together
that we are all one and the same

we share the desire
to ROAR like a fire
and run like we've never been tamed
we'll run like we've never been tamed
we'll run like we've never been tamed

Threat

don't think for a second that
I'll respond well to threats
just give it a try and see
the side of me you'll get
you have no respect
and just as little intellect
diplomacy a concept that's
just too advanced to get

huddled in your little house
secluded from the world
terrified that they will see
you're still that little girl
underneath the piss and vinegar
and haggard looks
wasting your life waiting
hand and foot on thugs and crooks

fuck you for ever saying that
you were my friend
right from the beginning
I could see how this would end
I have known your kind before
the world revolves around you
negativity and bigotry and lies
surround you

I bit my tongue bloody
and that's hard for me to do
listened to your bullshit
'cause I felt sorry for you
you're so far beneath me that
I can not even see you
as I walk away so grateful
that I'll never be you

poison in your hands
and toxins flowing from your lips
dried and cracked and ugly
like the hatred you profess
I thought maybe if I showed you
patience and compassion
you would change but you are still
as awful as you have been

I am sorry that your life
made you a bitter person
but you are so much work
and ultimately so not worth it
I established boundaries and
you set your sights to cross them
that's why every time you find a friend
you find you've lost them

Alone

alone in a room... in a house... in a town
looking for something that can not be found
trying to lose what can not be evaded
alone in a world that's indifferent and jaded

the rain shows no mercy, like the pain that's inside
and the aching of my body and the love that was a lie
this journey feels like life itself... wandering without aim
a sleeping chamber made of earth is where I want to dream

the further I go, the closer I follow behind
everything I know and the burdens of my mind

I like cemeteries better than these street cafe's
the dead remind the living of the things coming our way
no place feels like home and I'm so tired of being alone
but eyes that watch across the room are just a stranger's face

the sun has broken through the clouds, the high is kicking in
I'm wandering through places that before I'd never been
and I'll take a vow of silence for I do not want to talk
I'll sit and write this poem down, and then I'll simply walk

I want to find a place to sleep where chilling winds won't find me
where ghosts of memories have no more power to remind me

and as I go I find that I am holding my own hand
falling deeply in love with the stranger that I am

Done

the greatest part of loving you was the fantasy I had
of living the life that I have now with a far more loving man
the truth was never so sincere as feelings in my heart
but I spoke words you couldn't hear and it tore us apart

so why now do you come around so many long years after
to reopen my healing wounds to tell me you've come back here
you know I liked you better in the forest isolated
the city seems to magnify the parts of you I hated

the funny thing when I look back is both of us were right
and we were both so wrong at times, and we were both so high
and as it all broke down I think it started to decay
fermenting neurotoxins poisoning us every day

I missed you most when you were here though you never really were
I was just a toy for you... I knew you still loved her
but every time I find somebody else who sees within me
you're threatened by unfolding wings and so you try to pin me

I have been through sadness, fear, denial, doubt and anger
but now I've found acceptance and I'm never going back there
you only want me now because you know I don't want you
why don't you go find yourself some groupie slut to screw

Lines in the Sand

there are things I wish that I could tell you
but they are mysteries to even me
I've been known to draw lines in the sand
that mean nothing to anyone but me

there are spectors waiting in the dark
night ghasts with no mercy in their hearts
I close my eyes but visions will not cease
my minds infested with vague memories

all I've ever had are words
you can't take them away
help me find the right ones
to express the things I need to say

hypnotize me if that's what it takes
take away the fear so I can speak
I have stories locked away inside
truth is all I need now to be free

music it can help to heal the pain
but lately it just feels like there's too much
compelled to do the things that stop my brain
from thinking about anything at all

all I've ever had are words
you can't take them away
help me find the right ones
to express the things I need to say

my wand is a tree branch
I'm casting spells again
creating sigils out of
my lines drawn in the sand

Profound Simplicity

profound simplicity
fragile reality
cumulus clouds I see
drifting on summer breezes

I know the grass is green
I know the trees are free
to reach up toward the sky
while digging their roots deep

the things that I don't know
could fill a billion poems
the things I'll never be
a vast and endless sea

we celebrate the night
that's when the bats can fly
and no one judges them
darkness is their disguise

black skies and shooting stars
finding out who we are
fire light and company
profound simplicity

kettle and pot agree
they're not as dark as me
when worry dominates
and I procrastinate

I want to clear the air
I want to travel where
no human being would be
so that I can be free

my mind is wandering
so busy pondering
the challenge of our time
in which myself I find

sometimes I wonder if
any one's ever known me
I question everything
that they have ever shown me

trouble around the curve
we're building up the nerve
to focus on our breath
and not linger in death

black skies and shooting stars
finding out who we are
fire light and company
profound simplicity

Camp Fire Song

I know what brings you to this place
I'd walk on coals for you
cross the fire to see your face

the mountain air reveals
a clarity we lacked before
this is a different me
than that girl running out the door

civilization's over-rated anyway
everyday living for the chance to get away

there's nothing more serene
than where I find myself at now
the river flows through me
the moon and stars have all come out

your siren song it calls me
up the banks to fire-side
there are no laws but nature's
that compel me to abide

sap flows from trees like tears
from every axe that they have seen
shooting stars wait for my glance
so that they can be seen

my breath's becoming deeper
and my mind is coming clear
so grateful for this moment
and so happy to be here

Echo

my heart is an open book
that nobody is reading
waiting for someone to look
but nobody can see me
I am always reaching out
for things so out of reach
earning all the lessons that
nobody cared to teach

familiar with this feeling
when it's real and no one cares
and the truth won't cease it's fire
in a sea of vacant stares
for years I've sought forever
and I've found it in the wait
I've tried to change the outcome
but I can't avoid my fate

sometimes it is humbling
to know I have no choice
I'll sing out if only to hear
the echo of my voice
and I just can't care anymore
if anyone else hears it
music is a valve for what
is building in my spirit

I will take my chances
and I know the risks I'm taking
laying it all out with all this
music that we're making
but someday I'll be dead
and this will be what's left behind
a simple little record of
my heart and soul and mind

I know that I am different
and most people can't relate
but I'm not the only one who's ever
stumbled at the gate
and if only one of them
finds comfort in my words
I won't have wasted all of my time
living on this earth

Traveler's Song

I have been around the world
and I have seen so many things
nothing can replace the joy
that simply being with you brings

there are hidden doors within
the house inside my dreams
secret passages and stairs
I don't know what it means

let's find out together dear
we will travel without fare
we don't need to leave our bed
to explore everywhere

I'm surrounded by the sounds
of things that I once heard
I try to ignore the noise
remember what I learned

there is blood upon this page
I don't know where it's from
I've been bled but never tamed
I would sooner run

you can come with me
so long as scenic routes are fine
I don't have much money
what I value is my time

Naturally

haters gather 'round, I have got something to tell you
please listen to what I have to say
you're waving a flag around that stands for liberty
and yet you aim to take it all away

when I was a child I was taught their propaganda
but it could not withstand my scrutiny
for I have met so many brilliant, hardworking people
who like to unwind with a little weed

you'll make your judgements but I won't abide them
I have many friends who know the truth
we don't care or wanna we just love marijuana
nobody has asked you to approve

something's growing naturally that relieves our pain
helps us sleep and lifts away our blues
you've no right to legislate the way we live our lives
we're adults and we'll live how we choose

feds are wasting money to imprison people
whose only crime is taboo botany
while doctors push their pills with side effects worse than your symptoms
'cause big farm has a wealthier lobby

you'll make your judgements but I won't abide them
I have many friends who know the truth
we don't care or wanna we just love marijuana
nobody has asked you to approve

flip

love and hate have lusted for each other
since human hearts have beat upon this earth
it seems that one's always fueling the other
every blessing comes with it's own curse

yes it's true that every coin has two sides
the metal that they share it binds them tight
we are always flipping them in our minds
trying to decide what's wrong and right

kindness and cruelty
sleep in the same bed
they're sending me their dreams
filling up my head

I will never understand what they do
why anyone would try to hurt another
but I accept that it will just continue
we make enemies of all our lovers

our families and friends should help us to grow
but often they just make us shrink away
they don't want to hear the things that we know
they'll just have to learn in their own way

I love them endlessly but
there is a dark side
they use their power to
shake me up inside

up

I know I beat myself up
for not finding my voice when I was younger
busy learning the lessons that would
make me wiser and so much stronger

sometimes when I first wake up
I have trouble knowing where I'm living
my life has been so mixed up
not enough taking, too much giving

all I want is to be real
just to speak the things I feel
all I need is to be loved
here on earth not from above

you know that my mind's made up
got to do the things that I was born to
there's no way I will give up
after everything that I have gone through

sometimes I feel envious
but I can not dwell on those emotions
and so I pick myself up
and focus on my forward motion

all I want is to be real
just to speak the things I feel
all I need is to be loved
here on earth not from above

I hear your head

you hear music in your head
and I can hear it too
I'll write words to go with it
and we'll make something new

never thought I could find this
shared wavelength kind of thing
but I've got lot's of poems babe
and you've got lot's of strings

for better or for worse
I hear your head inside my own
a blessing seems a curse
unless you're smart enough to know

you say this is a jaunty tune
I totally agree
but still I smile and laugh at you
because you sound funny

if married life were this much fun
for everybody else
the divorce rate would equal none
our music is our wealth

for better or for worse
I hear your head inside my own
a blessing seems a curse
unless you're smart enough to know

we conceive songs that we
will nurture till they grow
finding the nuances
preparing for the show

Rebirth Marks

happiness offends as much as hate
no one wants to realize what they're missing
no amount of money in the world
measures up to passionately kissing

the most intense experience in life
can't be purchased with a credit card
integrity and resolve are a must
love is beautiful but it is hard

don't tell me to smile for you
I'm not here to be cute
I'm no coy submissive girl
my style is resolute

time is not a given so take heed
don't put off the things you mean to do
this life is all that is guaranteed
heaven might not be waiting for you

everybody's spirit carries truth
egos obscure visions in our minds
reality exists in the surreal
dreaming may be our most lucid time

why should I invest in a
world that disregards me
tattoos are my rebirth marks
but there's more than you see

Green Thumb

I'll say it one more time
the life I live is mine
every other opinion is moot

there's something to be said
for filling up my head
with what they call my silly dreams

I've found a place for me
a culture jamming scene
every imperfection truth

I found all that I need
growing like a seed
I'll nurture it with my green thumb

wait and think before you speak
you're part of the elite
but money can't buy intellect

so low that I can't fall
my gift intangible
but I feel wealthy anyway

my hearts an open book
if you bothered to look
there's a chance that you'd relate

repeat the things I know
like watching flowers grow
I'll nurture them with my green thumb

yeah you know I'm insecure
and cutting words they hurt
I am not impervious

but fear I must deny
and though it lives inside
it's only there to overcome

the circle in my mind
it's spinning all the time
making it so hard to sleep

it's up to me to free
the sound that comes from me
and nurture it with my green thumb

Who I Am

sometimes I want to break the silence
hanging in the atmosphere
waiting for a song to hear

will you take me to another world
take me to another time
help me be another girl

I wish I could be anyone else but who I am

looking at the sunset calms me down
takes my thoughts into the clouds
while my bare toes feel the ground

taking breaths so deep they tingle
wanting to believe again
that life is something meaningful

I just can't be anyone else but who I am

sometimes other people make me feel
there's a need to hide behind
a smiling face that isn't real

I'm like the train that shakes my house at night
far from where I started from
incapable of being quiet

I don't want to be anyone else but who I am

Imaginary Friends

She's a little sullen girl just hiding in her room
writing little poems in her book
she has many things that she would like to show the world
but she's a girl so no one cares to look

she has many questions and she's searching for the answers
seeking out the ones who say they know
but the things they teach her they never really reach her
she can see through stories full of holes

imaginary friends are the only ones she has
loneliness so thick it can be thrown
I wish I could tell her it will get better some day
but that is something that she's always known
there is so much that she's always known

now she's growing up and things are complicated
a woman's heart inside a child's frame
experts say she's gifted but it feels like she is cursed
so few others to whom she relates

she's an older woman looking back upon her life
each and every path she chose to take
some of them were dead ends but what she learned on the way
made her glad that she'd made those mistakes

imaginary friends are the only ones she has
loneliness so thick it can be thrown
I wish I could tell her it will get better some day
but that is something that she's always known
there is so much that she's always known

Ample Miracles (for Godless Heathens)

there are ample miracles for godless heathens
an old lady prays in the name of revenge
a gypsy is blessed with the love of her brethren
those who are lost find their way in the end

holy men dream of winning gods favor
worships fall to their knees and repent
heathens don't fear any gods or demons
heaven and hell are just places we've been

you can tell me I'm damned
but only I decide who I am

the sun shines bright on the faces of skeptics
wine tastes fine when it's no ones blood
prayers are carried on the wind to butterflies
forgiveness is free to the ones that we love

I have been to the banks of the river
I have climbed to the mountain's peak
there is no pew like the dirt under my feet
no cross more sacred than the trees

you can tell me I'm damned
but only I decide who I am

Family

it's so hard to concentrate
with all that's going on
my mind is a bandwagon
that everyone is on
past and present moving towards
a future that's unseen
all that I can know for sure
where I've already been

my DNA full of diseases
most of them are mental
my family, unfeeling says
that I'm too sentimental
choking it all down may be
the thing that works for them
but love and passion are
inherent parts of who I am

gave me a life
made me want to return it
begged for their love
so they told me to earn it
broke my blue heart
but proved it was resilient
they never noticed
the ways that I'm brilliant

no words are more painful
than the piercing ones would dare
silence is a noxious cloud
that's poisoning the air
I know truth is frightening
but once it has been faced
everyone can breathe again
and healing can take place

I left our family portrait
in a locket on a tree
hoping that the forest would
impart some clarity
I left us there and walked away
it was a kind of prayer
that all of my relations feel
the peace that I found there

gave me a life
made me want to return it
begged for their love
so they told me to earn it
broke my blue heart
but proved it was resilient
they never noticed
the ways that I'm brilliant

Scripts

hello good morning sir what can I do for you?
sugar in your coffee, do you take one lump or two?
thank you for choosing us, we hope you'll come again
this same conversation will be waiting for you then

hello how are you? I am fine how about you?
never been better, it's been so nice seeing you
so many words to say without even thinking
no meaning to convey, true dialogue is shrinking

we speak in scripts that we have all learned to recite
borrowed from others there is no need to re-write
there's no original sentiments to say
it's all been said before so just lean on cliches

sorry to hear that, get well soon, I'll pray for you
call me if there is anything else that I can do
I'll send you flowers, greeting cards and red balloons
anything at all but hear what you've been going through

let's not talk politics, religion, sin or art
it seems too dangerous, our viewpoints might depart
civilized people shouldn't seem to disagree
be just like him, I'll be like her, he'll be like me

we speak in scripts that we have all learned to recite
borrowed from others there is no need to re-write
there's no original sentiment to say
it's all been said before so just lean on cliches

brown eyed child bride

he sees a pretty flower
wants to keep it for himself
presses it inside a book
and puts it on the shelf
and though it may not grow or bloom
or dance against the breeze
it doesn't matter to him
it's just there to fill his needs

he gave you tabs of paper
made you think in different ways
wrapped you up inside his world
and took you far away
but no one could have said a word
you just weren't listening
I hope some day that you'll take back
the life that you've been missing

brown eyed child bride
you were my friend
you were my guide
now the light that shined has died
you seem so lost inside

how can you nurture friendships
when you don't care for yourself
how can you build your spirit
when your focus is on wealth
how can you place judgments on
the things you've never known
why are you still like a child
when everybody else has grown

the wall around you taller
than it's ever been before
I don't think I have the will
to climb it anymore
I know that you feel trapped in there
I hate to walk away
but there's an unlocked door somewhere
it's fear that makes you stay

brown eyed child bride
you were my friend
you were my guide
now the light that shined has died
you seem so lost inside

Truth

I used to be a nicer girl
but kindness will be punished
I'd rather you call me a bitch
than disingenuous

take a step back look and see
there is a bigger picture
let the words I want to speak
come out, no need to censor

somebody has to say these things
I hope you'll understand
I've found that truth is the only
friend that I really have

women aren't supposed to have
strong willed opinions
they're supposed to smile
and be polite

I guess it's unfortunate that
you feel that way
my tongue's lashing out
from all the bites

somebody has to say these things
I hope you'll understand
I've found that truth is the only
friend that I really have

Rivers

rivers aren't supposed to flow uphill
and feelings aren't supposed to be suppressed
they tell us to hide all signs of rage
because they'd rather that we feel depressed

I have found the ugliest of truths
more beautiful than all the pretty lies
don't let others tell you how to feel
your heart isn't there to compromise

I can't take it anymore
I have to speak my mind
my pen is the sword against
the bourgeois and swine

Sometimes I feel like I'm under seige
outside forces move to occupy
but the wall I'm building around me
keeps me safely tucked away inside

injustice is a toxin in our blood
poisoning our minds with frustration
we're supposed to take it with a smile
but our stomachs churn with rancid bile

why can't you just understand
I'm not what you expect
I am small but I am big
and I deserve respect

Best Friends

you always know how I'm feeling
I never have to say a word
you put your head on my shoulder
and in your love I feel comfort

your tender eyes they can convey
a wisdom people seldom gain
and though you lack the words to say it
your movements tell me what you mean

I never want to have to live without you
we've become part of one another
we'll find adventure and so many new
territories to discover

I've never met another like you
you're strange and beautiful and kind
and when my thoughts are growing gloomy
you can always change my mind

when it grows cold I'll keep you warm dear
I'll wrap you up and hold you tight
don't let the thunder outside scare you
I'm here and everything's alright

I never want to have to live without you
we've become part of one another
we'll find adventure and so many new
territories to discover

Off the Lamb

not going on the lamb
can't make me run away
not sitting on your lap
no I don't want to play...
with you... at all... no way

said you respected me
but that's not what you show
I'm not a piece of meat
in case you didn't know...
there's more... than meets... the eye

you're a dirty old man
watch where you put those hands
I just can't understand
why you'd betray the band

When something seems to be
just too good to be true
I've learned it often means
claims won't be backed by proof
here I… believed… the lie

project self righteousness
make judgments on my life
ask god to bless me then
covet your good friends wife
practice… the things… you preach

you're a dirty old man
watch where you put those hands
I just can't understand
why you'd betray the band

my husband was your friend
you disrespected him
I'm an artist you know
not just some cheap peep show
I'm not your cheap peep show!

Hymns

I have a nasty habit
wanting what I'll never have
failing to recognize the things I do
I know sometimes it seems like I'm
a thousand miles south
inside my head so far away from you

and yes my mind is in the breeze
as it turns into wind
I am like a kite but you can
bring me down to earth again
you are my pied piper
and I'll follow where you go
wherever you are baby
is the place I'll call my home

you are writing music now
these words will fall in place
when you listen to our song
a smile will cross your face
I will be your melody
if you will be my rhythm
hedonistic love songs
are the hymns of our religion

there's no warmth like that which comes
from you sleeping beside me
there's no pleasure like the kind
that you put inside me
you're the only person that
I want to spend my time with
you're the only word that I
will ever want to rhyme with

years are passing quicker now
than every day before you
seasons changing endlessly
all that we have gone through
times aren't ever easy here
every day's a struggle
but getting through it all with you
makes it worth the trouble

you're writing music now
these words will fall in place
so when you listen to our song
a smile will cross your face
I'll be your melody
if you will be my rhythm
hedonistic love songs are
the hymns of our religion