Gratitude

I'm afraid to write about
the things I'm feeling anymore
to admit defeat is harder
than all that I've done before
my pen has been silent
not because the words won't come
I've fought them off by any means
just to avoid emotions

sometimes I get the feeling that
what I say no one hears 
and my voice isn't strong enough
to be worthy of human ears
so I watch tv and look for
anything to slow my thoughts
but no matter how I hide
the spinning wheel never stops

I dream about the kind of person
that I might have been
if only I had had support
from family and friends
but I've found that even when
I am feeling so alone
my stereo can soothe me with
words that came through microphones

I can feel so overwhelmed
from PTSD bullshit
it can be so hard for me
to let anyone else in
or change the idea  I have
that love is just too dangerous
usually it is because
I'm bad at knowing who to trust

I don't eat or sleep enough
I'm trying to feel worthy
and finally stop the bleeding from
the wounds from those who've hurt me
and I find strength in poetry
artfully set to the music
uniting body, mind and soul
as I sing and move to it

now I'm feeling gratitude
for all the pens and paper
expressing all of the attitudes
that my self can relate with
I know I can't avoid it now
so I sit down and write
for strangers who are struggling
with lonely thoughts.... awake all night

Common Ground

you don't know a thing about me
don't go 'round pretending that you do
I might want to know about you
if it weren't for your bad attitude
but I don't know a thing about you
'cause I never walked 'round in your shoes
and you don't know a thing about me
so don't go assuming that you do

just sit down and talk a while
maybe we could find
common ground and a friendly smile
I might just change your mind about me

you don't know a thing about
the places I have been or things I've seen
you don't know how I feel but
I guess that's no surprise 'cause you're not me
I couldn't begin to know what
life inside your skin consisted of
but like you I am worthy of compassion
respect, decency and love

so sit down and talk a while
maybe we could find
common ground and a friendly smile
I might just change your mind

May Come After

a poet's got to speak the truth
no matter what the cost
dropping words of wisdom
taking back the things we've lost
many of them dying young
because they bare the weight
of being driven to profess
what everyone's afraid to say

living by the word can mean
admitting when you're wrong
and digging way down deep to find
the rhythm of your song
and if you cannot trust yourself
you'd best be turning around
because lying to yourself
resonates within your sound

but don't be turning back
unless you're sure you've given up
maintain your own perspective
never let them shut you up
those who've gone before you
show you that it can be done
the supersonic power
that runs through us makes us strong

now I can't say what may come after
but here and now there's joy and laughter
the past is not a place to dwell
the future nothing but a wishing well
I'm a juju bee in the place to be
the ones I love bring out the good in me
I am exactly who I want to be
intergalactic planitary





(RIP MCA 5/4/12)