skeleton box

little box of death
you material thing
carved out of wood
dyed with black ink
inside your depths you held the cure
for life and all its suffering
the poison that you once secured
removed upon your offering
you laid in wait... collected dust
that settled between your bones
while skeletons called out to lure
a sick man to their catacombs
but even in his weakness
he found his will to live
he doesn't need to partake of
the things you have to give
he said it's hard to look at you
he's given you to me
I'll dust you off and find someone
who doesn't know your history
'cause if I kept you in my room
you might just start to sing
a siren of the after-life
whose song is a way out of being

a holiday greeting

Consumerism is killing us.
North Americans are the most horacious consumers on the planet.
The cost of our consumption is great.
Our air and our waters are poluted from industry.
Our beautiful suburban homes are built on land fill from years of wasteful ignorance.
Our lust for material validation keeps us in jobs we hate, and the more we aquire, the emptier it all feels.
But the new SUV in the drive way sure makes you look good to your neighbors.
Nevermind that wars are being fought, and people being killed over the very substance your monster requires in excess in order to perform it's ultimate purpose of shredding nature with its big ol' tires.
So where am I going with this?
Oh, that's right, it's Christmas time once again.
That festive time of year that started as a pagan celebration for the winter solctice, and later became renowned for the birth of "our lord" Jesus Christ (who I hear was actually born in the summer).
In many ways, Christmas has not changed much. It is still a time of intense rapture and worship.
In awe of the material gods, billions of people pay homage by sacraficing rolls of highly valued paper adorned with symbols of their culture.
I wonder how many single mothers go into debt every year to buy toys that their children will tire of in a month, but they absolutely had to have because the television babysitter that keeps them occupied while mom pulls a double shift to pay for it all won't stop screaming about it.
Do you know who makes those toys?
Little elves maybe?
Well, that's pretty close. I mean, they are little.
Children in sweatshops in third world countries will produce the majority of the products Americans will gobble up in the inevitable consumer binge that is December.
But Christmas is about more than that you say.....
It's about family, and charity, and good will towards all.
Well pardom me if I point out a little observation I've made.
It seems to me that the act of designating a time of year to celebrate the values of love and compassion serves as a good excuse for many to ignore these ideas for the rest of the year.
People who are hungry at Thanksgiving are often hungry in January and February, and March...
Where is your concern for these people then?
Can you even say hello when they ask you for your change? Can you?
And what about family?
Well, for all their strengths and weaknesses, I love my family....
but I'm not sure that only seeing them on Christmas is such a healthy pattern.
It has meant that I have only seen my family when I am broke, stressed, and usually sick.
We engage in meaningless ceremony that gets us no closer to who we really are and how we really feel than would watching old cartoons in silence. We usually end up fighting like whinny toddlers in desperate need of a nap over little things that represent larger deeply rooted issues that are inherant in our family dynamic.
This year I am going to spend some time with my best friend in wine country instead. I am going to buy several small canvasas and some oil-pastels and charcoals and make a unique piece of art for those who are dearest to me, and ask that unless you find yourself creating something with me in mind, please no gifts this year.
The path I am on is asking me to lighten my load, and rid myself of attachment to material things.

check out these inpirational web-sites.

-Jill

http://www.adbusters.org/metas/eco/bnd/bnd_xmas/

http://adbusters.org/home/

http://www.adbusters.org/metas/eco/bnd/

my reading

I just got this little free reading online. It's pretty amazing to me how accurate it is. Just curious if other people who know me find it to be so. Anyway, check it out! -Jill


For you, Jillian, this lifetime revolves upon the theme of experiencing your emotional depths, and penetrating the surface of life to explore the hidden, dark, secret or taboo. What lurks in the shadows or in the inner depths of the human soul is what concerns you, and it is your task to become aware of and express what you find hidden there. What society at large may fear or repress, you are fascinated with and drawn to experience and understand. This may include both a fear of and absorption with death and the mysterious side of life, delving into the politics of sexuality and power and experiencing strong, "dark" emotions such as passion, jealousy, revenge or a desire for control. At times you may feel like a misfit… that your yearnings, desires, and true inclinations are somehow wrong or bad, or even that you are bad. You could take on a social persona which is dark and hints at something sinister (such as always wearing black, going out only at night...). However, your feeling for the dark undercurrents of life and your drive to experience life passionately and intensely, without avoiding any of it, may be expressed less overtly. You are attracted to crisis, those transition times in life when people are tested, when their social masks do not matter anymore, and the true person is revealed. You may feel most alive and most yourself in life and death situations, whether you are involved in saving lives (as a doctor or healer), in destroying them (as in war), or simply by seeking out dangerous situations and dangerous companions. Often you will create your own crisis (especially in the arena of your close personal relationships) in order to pit yourself against the challenge. Other people may view this as a self-destructive urge in you, Jillian, a masochistic (or sadistic) streak. The truth is you would rather feel pain, than to feel nothing at all. You want to be fully immersed in it, deeply and passionately involved. (Life for you is not a spectator sport).

the things I couldn't say

You've given up on things
that I still need to believe in
You've relinqueshed all your power
let apathy creep on in
No longer charmed by magic
your brilliance has grown tired
I wish I could have known you
when you were still inspired
Sometimes I see it in your eyes
then you drown it with a drink
and close your mind to new ideas
that hurt too much to think
You closed your heart off to a love
that would have proven true
when all she ever wanted
was to bring life back to you.
You're beautiful... and lost it seems
still claiming to be found
I'm trying to call out to you
but my breath can't form the sound
You said that you were feeling bad
and when I asked you why
you said it's because I sounded so sad
It's your hopelessness that makes me cry
'Cause you talk so big about things you would do
if your head found the right space
while you shelter yourself from the things that move you
and exhaust yourself by running in place
So you'll "do the right thing," and settle on in
to a life devoid of passion
but if you ever change your mind
I hope you'll find me once again
'Cause I think that we could break the rules
that feel wrong to obey
and turn the things we really feel
into the words we say
For now I have to let you go
I only wished to love you
Please know that it's already so
and that I'm thinking of you.