good morning

I slept well last night, minus the noise in my head from being too tired to stay awake and write it all down. It's fine..... made for some interesting dreams.
Speaking of dreams, I want to relay a little series of events that came from a dream.
My friend had just given me a dose of tough love....
told me to quit sitting around feeling sorry for myself and do something.... go somewhere.... anything. I had been depressed, hadn't felt motivated to leave my bed, didn't feel like anything short of him adorning me with sympathy and love would help. It really pissed me off when he hit me point-blank with the truth. It wasn't his love I needed more of. That is always there. What I needed was a little dose of self-love. To learn to enjoy my own company again. To not accept that lonliness is an inherent part of being alone.
That night I had a dream in which I sat down at a poker table and laid it all down. All or nothing. I wasn't just betting money, I was betting my life.... my heart and soul.... all or nothing. I felt so lost that I needed to hand my fate over to someone else. I felt so broken, but inside shined the tiniest glow of hope that by making this gamble.... by putting it all out on the table.... perhaps the universe would find a place for me.
Four cards were delt. I picked them up all at once and looked at the spread. I held in my fingers a divine hand, but I didn't know what it meant. In front of my eyes I beheld the three of each suit..... only something was different. The three of diamonds for example, had a three in each corner with a little diamond underneith.... but in the center there were none. Instead one of each suit was represented. you had a heart, a spade and a club in a diagonal line. Each of the other suits had the same situation so that all suits were represented equally in the total hand.
I laid the cards down and looked up at the dealer. she had turned into a gypsy and she looked at my cards and smiled. All suits, she said...... all possibility.
All possibility!
Those words rolled around in my brain as I stumbled toward conciousness.
I awoke to a beautiful Saturday morning.... through a backpack with a change of clothes, some good literature, and my journals into the car, grabbed my guitar, and pointed myself west.

To be continued.......