Growing up I always thought of my mother as a believer, and my father as a skeptic. Now I am realizing that we are all a little of each. In fact they can not exist without one another. To be a believer one eventually runs up against ways to believe that contradict one another. Perhaps this is why so many sects of christianity exist. To believe strongly in one set of ideas often turns to strong skepticism of other ideas. On the reverse side, to be a skeptic you must also believe. The things you are skeptical of seem wrong in comparison to something else that seems more probable. So if you zoom out and take a look, you see a world in which there are an infinite number of ideas that we can either favor or reject, and billions of people representing billions of combinations of these ideas. If you were able to examine the hearts and minds of each human you would discover that their own set of genuine beliefs would be as unique as a zebras stripes.
When I was growing up, I thought of myself as a skeptic, but I wanted to believe in something. I was skeptical because I had not yet crossed paths with an idea or set of ideas that fit my own personal truth. I am coming to realize that truth is not a thing, it is an emotion. It is something that we feel when the world refelcted back to us jives with our own perceptions. There is not an absolute truth.... there is only our perceptions, and our feelings of truth.
These are not such profound ideas. In fact I'm sure they occur to most people at some point in their life when they are forced by circumstances to re-evaluate their beliefs. Why then is belief such a powerful force on our little planet? Why do beliefs have the power to create murderous rifts between segments of the human race? Why do so many of us take our beliefs, or our desire to believe to such extremes that they become dilusional? My theory is that everybody is consumed by two primary activities through out their existence. We are all just trying to survive this life and find some sense of meaning and purpose. When survival is difficult due to unfavorable circumstances, it can become the meaning on it's own. We honor survivors as heros in our culture. But in the ritchest most powerful nation in the world, most of us do not have to primarily concern ourselves with our own survival, so we look for meaning outside of ourselves.
Still, even when we find something to believe in, our skepticism often leaves us looking for validation. The desire to believe becomes the desire to belong. Perhaps this is why so many believe despite themselves. Then what happens is that because of their own inner skepticism, they become defensive of their views, and absolutely unwilling to hear any other ideas for fear they might feel truth where it is not appropriate, and loose the support of those with whom they belong.
In my life, I have come to a place where the things I believe come from the emotion of truth. They come from my experiences, my perceptions, and yes, my desires.
At the public access television station where I work, we have a program called "Star Born." It's a weekly astrology show put on by a woman named Karen Campbell. Over the years I have helped her set up her lights and her set, and she has gifted me with my own personal weekly astrology reading. It was novel at first. But as my world grew increasingly complicated, and the need for perspective became greater I looked forward to these readings more and more. They became more complex, and at the same time more accurate as time went on. I thought about the concepts behind it, and realized that the idea that the universe and all it's planets and their magnetic pulls can influence beings made mostly of water the same way they manipulate the tides is not only probable in my view, but beautiful and poetic. So I am a believer. When I look towards the heavans, I see the celestial bodies, and I believe in their influence over my life and use it to help guide me. Perhaps some of it comes from my desire to believe. Like now I am looking forward to Venus moving into Scorpio because it is supposed to bring me luck with love, particularly with another water sign. I have a crush on a man who is a cancer, so the belief that the stars will help bring us together gives me something to look forward to. I suppose looking forward to eternal paradise after death might have the same effect on christians. Much of my believe in astrology comes from my knowledge of astronomy. The planets can answer my personal questions, while science helps to answer the larger ones such as the origin of the existance of the universe. But at some point, even science comes back to faith. If you believe in the big bang theory, then you must just accept that the gasses that caused the explosion that created all matter just existed on their own. They just were. If you are a christian and believe that some divine male archetype created the universe, you may struggle with the concept of who created this god, and come to the faith that he just is.
So when you take any philosphy to it's logical conclusion..... all the way back to the how and the why of it, the truth is that nobody knows. It just is. That is all. there is no greater meaning other than those that we create for ourselves. There is only our belief, our skepticism, and our perceptions of the truth. We are here to survive, and find meaning and beauty in our lives.
But if we are to live peacably amongst eachother in this life, we must grant one another the right to our own personal truths.... our fingerprint. If you feel the need to force your truth on others, it is because you are secretly skeptical and looking for validation. If you believe from your heart, your beliefs might change and evolve over time, but they will never need validation.
So, believe when you want to
Doubt when you need to
Call it truth when it feels right
Percieve the world through your own view.
I love you.
-Jill
1 comment:
that was awesome
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